We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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