did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
