I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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