The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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