i jhust puked up my retainher.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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