Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
