He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
