You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
