we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
