Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
