I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
