I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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