Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
