am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
