So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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