know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
