Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
