took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
