I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
