Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
