I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
