Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
