just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
