he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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