i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
