i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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