Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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