literally had 100 drinks last night.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
