Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
