So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
