I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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