If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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