a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
