I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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