No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
