i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sext me about skeletons
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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