You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
