just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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