That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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