My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
