Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
