I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
