I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
wow bdsm is so cute
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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