hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
