You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
