Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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