Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
