Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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