dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Found the puke drawer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
