he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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