Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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