My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
