:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
