bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
