do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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