That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
