my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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