literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
