I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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