I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
