In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
