So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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