I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
