I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize