wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
