i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
