VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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